Preheat oven to 385 degrees.
Take your turkey , sized for the family, put it in a turkey pan on an oak board.
Bake for 4 hours, basting every 20 minutes with a mixture of 4 eggs, one quart of apple brandy, two jiggers of good vodka.
Remove from oven and let sit for 10 minutes.
Throw away the turkey and eat the board